why blog?

do you have a blog? the question that i would assume almost every writer has run across when proclaimed they are a writer.

the answer from most of us: kinda.

see, sure, one has a blog but what does that mean in an age where everyone, in a sense, has a blog too. maybe their blog is just a stream of tweets or facebook rants, but writing on the internet is still writing on the internet, and in doing so, blogging becomes just another helpless scream in the void that is the internet, which has turned into a realm of battlements and battleaxes as everyone wants to have their voice heard.

i got this blog a couple years back with the intention of contributing to it frequently enough where i would have a sorta individualized platform in which my thoughts could be used as an indictator to corporations/businesses to showcase my skill as a technically proficient writer, even if it's within the blogging mode. but i was discouraged as i thought of the true insignificance that writing on the internet would have. like, out of all the places on the internet, out of all the blogs/publications/magazines/websites/etc., why do i have to the gall to imagine anything i have to say is worthy of having its own platform.

what is my angle.

well, it's me! dylan gray! hi!

other than that, i don't want to pretend that i have any grandoise ideas that will change the discourse of the world: i don't even believe that i have anything to say. that was truly my biggest issue when starting this blog: what do you have to say. and the truth is: nothing really. for the most part, i liked to be left alone, do my drugs, read/write, watch movies, absorb sunlight, and not worry about what other people think. not to say i don't have my opinions. we all do. and i respect that. i respect it enough to where i don't want to seem like i'm being smarmy by being a contrarian on this-or-that topic (especially nowadays where saying ones opinion is like an us-vs-them recruitment). but even still, i love to write, and i love reading writings of other people's opinions and such. and with the recent trend, even, of autofiction, the lines between truth/reality/fiction are becoming blurred. we are reaching a point of singularity in writing where all is nothing and all is everything at the same time.

so why blog?

i'm just a recent graduate of college. i have not seen the world. i have been in the state of indiana for the past 22 years. i'm a hoosier. what do i have to say. what do i have to add. who cares about my opinion, right? in the grand scheme, really nobody cares what anyone has to say. but as humans, i believe we have the duty to let our ideas/experiences be shared in order to gather a collective sense of what it means to be human. and i believe writing strikes at that core of what it means to be human, which is our consciousness. unfortunately, we as humans have been cursed/blessed as being the dominant predator on this weird little blue planet. in a way, we have been anointed (by gods or aliens or bacteria or psilocybin or whatever you believe in) as being the ones to take care of things around here. because if not, this planet will swallow us whole (if we don't beat it to it ourselves) and will be fine longer after our species has been wiped out, and will probably be a better place for it.

blogging (and writing in general) is very punk. and i mean this sincerely. punk as an ethos was to rebel against the establishment order in order to see how exactly those frameworks of suppression/ideology/power hold us back. the recent trend in rap music is going through its own punk-rock movement itself, from top to bottom. in a system designed to inhibit the economic mobility of minorities, the internet has provided a democratic platform to which artists are freely allowed to express themselves and is able to have the sort of access that more 'acceptable' artists of the past were only privileged to have. and in turn, rap music has become the dominant sound in the mainstream.

the internet in the post-9/11 society became that sort of punk rock movement for writers. blogging then was to express freely about anything and everything that was wrong (and there were quite a lot of grievances), and the internet as a medium allowed writers/bloggers to say whatever they wanted without repercussions, kind of like a political cartoon, once its out there, there's no taking it back. the days before the advent of social media were the wild west of the internet. it was a strange, bewildering, and even dangerous place. all those who got to experience the joys of AOL messanger and - as Broad City coined it -  'early randomcore' were the fortunate souls who were able to see what the internet was truly capable of, before being completely commodified out the wazoo by corporations.

do people still go on websites on the internet anymore.

albinoblacksheep?

stupidvideos?

ebaumsworld?

newgrounds?

at least for me, all those websites were quintessential in my young life. i think you'd be hard-pressed to find a domain with just a random video on it that garnered such sensationalism as those early sites. people i think now only explore a handful of websites: youtube, twitter, reddit, facebook; and most of those are all filtered through google (even writing on blogger now, it's still owned by google). it's hard nowadays to have those sorts of impacts on the internet like those previous platforms because it's all been gobbled up by corporations.

but still, even though our words that we type out are being used in some algorithm to sell us amazon products, they can't commodify our ideas. our ideas are what make us unique individuals, and our ideas are what help us understand the world better. i think people like david icke, who believes that the world is being controlled by a race of intergalactic lizard people, with his ideas, is reaching something closer to the truth than people want to give him credit for. by thinking outside of our normal realm of ideology, we can perhaps parse together how an individual like david icke might have reached the conclusion he has and, with some critical thinking get to the 'truth' of what he might mean by this 'they live'-esque world he thinks he live in. indeed, ideas have great power, and with that true evil can rise out of prejudice/ignorant preconceptions, but in order to refute those claims, we are in need of open dialogue. by blogging, one is having their voice screaming into an abyss where possibly/probably no one would hear. but there is only that case where someone might read what you have to say, and perhaps open their mind to a new perspective they hadn't considered previously. more than likely that won't be the case, but there's always hope.

one area i think that our education system has truly failed our nation is 'writing'. as a kid in high school, you are told to write some essay and are never told why to do so; you are told, hey! write this because we told you too; or, hey! read this and take a quiz on it so you can get an A and go to college where they can tell you to read/do/write this-or-that because you'll pass this class and get a degree and go on to get a job where that will tell you to do this-or-that or the other. all this said, the acted of writing is perceived to be 'work' in the modern age. writing is just another problem you can to overcome to get where you want to get. but in truth, writing does much more than that.

writing is engaging in your thoughts are understanding how to communicate yourself most effectively.

in essence: writing = thinking

to able to write well means to be able to think well too. we need writing so we understand how we as an individual think/operate. this doesn't just do good for the general public as a forum of transmitting thoughts into script, but it is good for the individual too. the process of thinking is something that we can't stop from doing. unfortunately, in our late capitalist society, we are so bombarded by advertisements/notifications/automobiles/stereo/LED/radio frequencies/other general stimuli that are thoughts become distorted/distracted. and that's exactly what the corporations want: to brainwash our thoughts/opinions to think about buy! buy! buy! that might sound like new age paranoia, but any research into the addictive qualities of our cell phones show that these companies try to make us all media addicts, because that's more telepathy they can seduce us with. i digress: the act of writing is the act of engaging with our minds in ways that THEY don't want you to. they don't want us to have free-thought; they want complete control of free-will. blogging, and writing more generally, can be the answer to fight against these powers that b. i for one truly enjoy the art of writing because, well, it's free! it doesn't take any money to write (except perhaps a pen and paper). but even writing traditionally (which i recommend if you write poetry and/or fiction) is a rebelling against that order. writing is a mediative state, where you can understand the pitfalls and potentials of your own abilities by critically structuring your thoughts into syntax. every minute spent on bettering yourself is a minute not spent engaging in ad-revenue pop-ups.

the idea of blogging when i first started this blog was very discouraging. it seemed like the golden age of blogging had died (r.i.p. hipsterrunnoff), but i think nowadays we need blogging more than ever. we need these places where people are engaging in reading and writing. i know i personally need to write more, and i write often enough where i might seem crazy. but i guess what i want to get across here is not only to blog, but to write in a way that is not just for the sake of getting instant gratification by saying something deeming about another group of people/values. i think that writing for yourself is the first step towards writing to others, but if you can't you don't know how to write, you do not how to think.

by engaging in the act of writing, and having that writing submitted into a space where others can consume/critique/engage with it, one is participating in a greater good. and for those of us that write, you are truly being punk rock, which is cool af.

i hope to continue with this conquest and continue to blog, and you will too (because fuck the system)

sunny (a draft written i don't know when)

it's really sunny outside right now. there's a glare on my screen. i'm waiting for later in the day before doing real productive work. the glare is too distracting.

currently the window is all i can see of my screen
(my laptop is cracked so i have it plugged (via HDMI) into my television)
i don't watch television but i'm always on my phone.


which isn't better


in fact, it's probably worse. like that scene in Clockwork Orange:


but instead we do it voluntarily:

(the file name for this on google was 'kids-on-phones')


and scarily enough, both screens are doing the same acts of manipulation, except one's satire and the other's reality.
i don't know what we woke up to before phones.


i had a dream that involved by ex-girlfriend and my best friend and he was wearing a diaper. i remember saying in the dream 'i'm very confused right now'. they were at my dad's house, only his door had been replaced with a large double door, the one that takes both arms to open each side of it, like a cathedral or a fancy house. my dad's house had turned into a fancy house.

Super(bowl) Sunday

it's Superbowl Sunday. i don't care for sports really. i find it mostly to be a distraction to the populus- maybe when i'm older and bored and are looking for ways to pass time until my death i'll watch sports religiously. i just don't get emotion from it, the way watching a good movie or a good book can do, and that takes less time than the constant information people process to feel the devotion in a 'personal' level with a team or player, and even then, i'm not about to cry for a dude that's probably making 1.9 million a year. next year they'll play again, as if nothing happened, and there'll be (always) another winner, and more money, and more fans, and more sports.


(i do enjoy watching UFC fights though. it's primordial. it's hard to be not entertained by two people punching each other in the face. people watching people getting punched in the face was probably the first form of entertainment. we know the Romans like it, and so do we 2000 years later )


BUT (i didn't mean for that to be caps-locked but i'm don't feel like deleting it either so rather than save a few keystrokes and retype it normally i'm writing this instead to insist upon its fruition and will not only  not deny it but champion it because i believe it's important to sometimes respect live's everyday - to quote Bob Ross - 'happy accidents' (and its my blog i can write whatever i want)) Superbowl Sunday is an event i can get behind.

for one: buffalo chicken dip  
it's the kush. anyone that says otherwise is probably a vegan.

BUT (that one was intentional) also, if you're gonna watch just one game of football a year, this usually isn't a bad one to watch. it is fun just to watch this magnificent displays in athleticism. i think it's beautiful what the human body can accomplish. watching Fred Astaire in Swing Time, one can really see just how expressive the body can be. when he's dancing and tapping across the screen, it appears effortless. i thought watching the film, 'huh, you know, i can probably do that'; but i can't, i didn't even attempt, but Fred Astaire is a master at showing depths to the agility the human body can achieve and the range of expressions it can articulate. this can be what sports accomplishes at its highest level. that's why something like Olympic track-and-field can be one of the most thrilling events to watch. there's no equipment, not complicated rules made by humans. it's just a testament to the human body.



today, i'm going to make a testament to my body as well, except with beer and chips and little piggies in blankets. i'm an adult now. i'm 21 babyyyyyyyy. i can legally purchase alcohol for minors lol. but this is the Superbowl experience. there's something to say for holidays once you get older (yes, Superbowl Sunday is a holiday and we might as well get Monday off from work/class because of so). there's a rhythm to life. holidays, especially the more and more one goes through them, have this community to them that makes people slow down and appreciate one another. this day in particular, there's something so grotesquely American about it that i can't help but love it. gathering in front of a television, eating/drinking nothing but damaging substances, succumbing to the radiation of commercials, watching a multi-million dollar affair, the zenith of the capitalist system and our American dream. people will laugh and cry and go to Disneyland afterwards.
The Superbowl is all about getting together with people you - I hope - at least tolerate to get drunk, watch men being slammed by other men, and not worry so much for a day - at least until the dip runs out.



Music while I wrote: CLEANERS - REAL RAGA SHIT VOL. 1

my most played songs of 2016 (via Spotify)

here is a list of my most played songs of 2016, using Spotify. i don't know the exact amounts of time listened. i know only the order of the highest played to the not-as-much played. i haven't used Spotify to much frequency since about last summer. looking at this list made me nostalgic of a period of six months, from approximately January to June. i continued to listen to about most of these songs still throughout the year, just maybe not necessarily on Spotify; or even still Spotify, i'm not too sure; what i do know, though, is some of these songs maybe were played without my discretion or direction. they might've played at a social gathering or via automated shuffle or fate. this is by no means a 100% accurate reading of my entire listening volume of 2016 (i listen to most of my music either on YouTube or Apple Music now). the songs that were selected however i hold favorably, all in all.


i'm disappointed "Let it Happen" made it. some songs i felt i didn't know until relistening and thought oh yeah, i think i've heard this song before or something like that. i feel as though these songs are a part of me now, like a soundtrack for that particular moment in my life. if my life were a really long movie, i hope they would use these songs for this particular scene. for the most part, i feel strongly about the greater portion of these songs. songs like "Tennyson" and "Senandung Maaf" i regard earnestly, and with the warmest familiarity, even though, to be sure, i only discovered these songs in the past year. music has that effect. Nietzsche, i think perhaps, said something to the degree that Without music, life would be meaningless: this might be a gross redressing of any existential philosopher, for that matter, but i believe in that sentiment mostly - perhaps not the nihilistic view - certainly in its core ideology, in that music really makes people happy. i hope my list makes you think of what you've listened to this year, and you'll go back and listen to them and think I've listened to a lot of music this year that i enjoyed and feel content.


i would also like to recognize:
"Ocean Side (オーシャン・サイド)" // Kikuchi Momoko

and João Gilberto (1973) by João Gilberto

both of which i also found to be significant in my 2016 musical experience.



random statistics of list (as accorded by me)


Top Artists:
Pavement - 7 songs
Guided by Voices - 5 songs
The Beach Boys - 4 songs
ko-ko-ya - 4 songs
Dean Blunt - 3 songs
Drake (not counting Nick Drake) - 3 songs
Life Without Buildings - 3 songs

Top Albums:

Slanted and Enchanted (1992) by Pavement - 4 songs
Frevo! (2011) by ko-ko-ya - 4 songs
Pet Sounds (1966) by The Beach Boys - 3 songs
Bee Thousand (1994) by Guided by Voices - 3 songs
Any Other City (2001) by Life Without Buildings - 3 songs
Double Figures: Ten Years of Chapter Music (2002) by various artsts - 3 songs
What a Time to Be Alive (2015) by Drake/Future - 3 songs


Genres:
43 rock songs
14 pop songs
13 rap songs
9 experimental songs
4 choro songs
4 folk songs
2 ambient songs
2 modern classical songs
2 r&b songs
2 IDM songs (they're Boards of Canada, i don't know how else to label them)
1 hardcore punk song
1 doo-wop song
1 reggae song
1 electro-house song
1 post-bop jazz song



My Most Played Songs of 2016 (via Spotify):

1. “Tennyson” // The Cannanes

2. “Depreston”// Courtney Barnett
3. “One More Chance/Stay With Me Remix” // The Notorious B.I.G.
4. “Mincer Ray” // Guided By Voices
5. “Zurich Is Stained” // Pavement
6. “Roygbiv” // Boards of Canada
7. “Waltz of a little bird” // ko-ko-ya
8. “I Wouldn’t Do It” // Gucci Mane
9. “Surf’s Up” // The Beach Boys
10. “Slow Burn” // Made in Heights
11. “These Days” // Nico
12. “Pale Blue Eyes” // The Velvet Underground
13. “Be Apart” // Porches
14. “Emma’s House” // The Field Mice
15. “Pacific Theme” // Broken Social Scene
16. “raindrops” // ko-ko-ya

17. “From the Morning” // Nick Drake
18. “Daylight” // Aesop Rock
19. “30 for 30 Freestyle” // Drake
20. “Saturday” // The Clientele
21. “Evening’s Kiss” // Willis Earl Beal
22. “Go Outside” // Cults
23. “Long Distance Call” // Phoenix
24. “Shadows” // Yo La Tengo
25. “Frevo!” // ko-ko-ya
26. “Pink Frost” // The Chills

27. “Patchwork” // Tindersticks
28. “The Leanover” // Life Without Buildings
29. “Dream Team” // Mark McGuire
30. “Summer Babe (Winter Version)” // Pavement
31. “Bad Kids” // Black Lips
32. “1/1” // Brian Eno

33. “What We’ve Learned” // McLusky
34. “Jumpman” // Drake, Future
35. “untitled 01 | 08.19.2014.” // Kendrick Lamar
36. “Here” // Pavement
37. “We Are Your Friends – Original Mix” // Simian
38. “Beautiful” // A.G. Cook
39. “I Only Have Eyes For You” // The Flamingos

40. “Bam Bam” // Sister Nancy
41. “Infant Eyes” // Wayne Shorter
42. “New Town” // Life Without Buildings
43. “21 Questions” // 50 Cent
44. “Downtown” // Majical Cloudz
45. “I Run New York” // Dean Blunt
46. “Tractor Rape Chain” // Guided by Voices
47. “Senandung Maaf” // White Shoes & The Couples Company

48. “Do While” // Oval
49. “Schizophrenia” // Sonic Youth
50. “Ain’t Missing You (feat. Jenn Em) // Chief Keef
51. “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” // The Beach Boys
52. “Old English” // Young Thug, A$AP Ferg, Freddie Gibbs
53. “Hot Freaks” // Guided By Voices
54. “Gold Soundz” // Pavement
55. “Pristine Christine” The Sea Urchins
56. “John Wayne Was a Nazi” // MDC
57. “Lemonade” // Gucci Mane
58. “Diamonds Dancing” // Drake, Future
59. “Heartbeat” // Annie
60. “Trigger Cut/Wounded-Kite at :17” // Pavement
61. “14 Days” // Life Without Buildings
62. “She’s So High” // Tal Bachman
63. “LUSH” // Dean Blunt

64. “End of the Road” // Boyz II Men
65. “There She Goes” // The La’s
66. “Radio” // Alkaline Trio
67. “Fuck Up Some Commas” // Future
68. “Stereo” // Pavement
69. “Pink Moon” // Nick Drake
70. “Game of Pricks” // Guided by Voices
71. “God Only Knows” // The Beach Boys
72. “Sensitive” // The Field Mice
73. “Big Yellow Taxi” // Joni Mitchell
74. “Fool in the Rain” // Led Zeppelin
75. “New Direction” // Black Lips
76. “I Really Like You” // Carly Rae Jepsen
77. “One Call Away” // Chingy

78. “Let it Happen” // Tame Impala
79. “Earth to Heaven” // Esperanza Spalding
80. “Laurel Canyon” // Chief Keef
81. “Have You Seen the Rain?” // Creedence Clearwater Revival
82. “What Would I Want? Sky” // Animal Collective
83. “Tears of Unicorn // Masayoshi Fujita

84. “Teen Age Riot” // Sonic Youth
85. “Wrapped” // Minimum Chips
86. “Otherside” // Red Hot Chili Peppers
87. “I Hate Summer” // Smiley
88. “Shady Lane” // Pavement
89. “Motor Away” // Guided by Voices

90. “Umi Zoi No Michi” // ko-ko-ya
91. “Discreet Music” // Brian Eno
92. Eleven Thousand Six Hundred and Sixty-Nine Died of Natural Causes” // Johann Johannsson
93. “Sorry 2004” // Ruben Studdard
94. “That’s Not Me” // The Beach Boys
95. “Love Stepping Out” // Disco Inferno
96. “The Pedigree” // Dean Blunt
97. “Wildlife Analysis” // Boards of Canada
98. “Did You See the Words” // Animal Collective
99. “Blue Suburban Skies” // Even As We Speak
100. “Return of Hot Chicken” // Yo La Tengo
101. “Get Free (feat. Amber of Dirty Projectors)” // Major Lazer



thanks for reading. i hope you find some good music to make you feel okay.

[untitled: stream of unconscious filtered through my galaxy s6]

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my blog

here's what this blog will consist:

•thoughts
•feelings
•emotions
•musings
•poetry
•short stories
•opinions
•Internet things (photos,videos,links, etc.)
•photos
•videos
•posts about books
•posts about movies
•posts about writing
•posts about posts
•posts about drugs
•posts about animals
•posts about food
•posts about music
•posts about cognitive observations
•posts about spies and conspiracies
•posts of pseudo-philosophy of my own decree/authority

(as of writing this, i am high in my bed and watching the documentary "Africa" on Netflix, where on screen ants are being shown with blood coming out there head in order to dissuade a predatorial bird. the proportion between bird and ant seem alarmingly equal.)

((as of writing that, two giraffes, both male, one young, were shown battling in the desert. having no fists to swing, they flung their heads at each other instead. even without arms, animals still find ways to hit each other and i think that says a lot. after a while of exchanging neck punches, the old giraffe fell to the ground. was this the end of this old bull's reign as king of the desert asked the British narrator. the giraffe laid on the dusty incline. his head hung limp. the situation looked grim for our giraffe king. the young rival cocked backwards to deal the killing blow. he swung, but the old king dodged his neck low and whipped a devastating blow into his opponent's chest. the young giraffe was down. the sand river))

remains to the giraffe king.